dear blog...

dear blog,

i've so many things that i cant put into words today..
whoever invented languages obviously was not feeling like a piece of shit when he invented it..


dear blog,

it started a long time ago..
i cant remember when..
but i met someone..
and i knew at once..
this someone, is someone special..
how special,
i did not know..
but i do know now..
its not an ordinary kind of special..


dear blog,

u may be wondering why i am feeling like a piece of shit tonite..
if u ask me..
i don't know how to tell u..
how can someone feel like a piece of shit..
how can someone feel like yelling, bashing, whacking the hell out of himself..
how can someone feel true regret and sorrow, cry and not feel better?


dear blog,

let me tell u a story,
its abt this girl..

this girl,
made some mistakes in her life b4..
she has reflected and regrets the past behavior towards a certain someone..
she has tried to apologise..
but she still feels bad..
she has been ticked off pretty heavily by her parents..
thats probably what makes it worse..
maybe her parents used words dat were too strong..
or maybe its the fact that all these stuffs just came together at once..
and dis really made her feel down..
and she cried that night..
into her bolster,
imagining it to be the back of someone..
someone she thought could be always there for her
someone she thought will sincerely console her
someone she thought could be another buddy to her
someone she thought will guide her thru her life
but it was not as she thought..

this someone,
knew about wad pple were saying about her..
this someone,
did not tell her wad pple were saying about her..
this someone,
tried instead to stand up for her infront of those pple, using his own way..
this someone,
was naive in thinking that could help..
this someone,
was not the buddy he could be..
this someone,
made her feel cheated..
this someone,
did not know wad she truely wanted in a buddy
and yet
this someone,
was the one who promised her the world,
this someone,
made all sorts of promises..
but didn't keep them all..
this someone,
has dissappointed her time and again..
this someone probably doesn't know wad he is doing now..
he doesn't know how to make it up to her..
he truely wants to be the second buddy in her life..
one she can depend on..
lean on..
lift her up when shes down..
this someone,
wants to really be there for her to cry on his back,
not just be an image on a bolster..
but this someone,
doesn't know how..


dear blog,

i dunnoe how this story is going to end..
the girl is a strong girl..
she can probably get over this dissappointing episode in her life in a hurry..
the guy,
may not be as strong as a guy is supposed to be..
he is supposed to be good with words..
yet he doesn't know what to say..
i think this proves that ur mouth is only as good as how clear headed ur brain is..


dear blog,

i felt true sorrow for the second time in my life tdy,
at just a little while before 5 pm..
when i read part of the above story..
u noe,
i thk the second greatest mystery in this world,
after women,
has to be friends..
how can they make u feel such a wide range of emotions?
anger, warmth, fustrations, joy, envy, bliss.. and so much more..


dear blog,

i am feeling true regret now,
regretting not buying insurance for my laptop..
will salt crystals spoil the keyboard?
i hope not..
cos somehow,
this machine on my lap,
is the only warmth i am feeling tonite..


dear blog,

she can imagine someone's back as she cries into a bolster..
but i can only see the square patterns on mine as i prepare for a long nite..


dear blog,

i've quite a number of frens,
yet why at times like this,
i find i hav no one to open up to?